Silence is Golden
by Buttbug
Summary: A small comical drabble about how the four Kages crossed the desert after being summoned. AU elements and obvious freedom of movement and will.


The Sun was setting down in the horizon. They´ve been walking for hours through the desert, and there was no sign that they´d reach their destination anytime soon.

"Are we t-"

"I swear it, if you say 'Are we there yet?' one more time, I´ll find a way to kill you!"

The Fourth Kazekage and Third Raikage rolled their eyes once again. Both Nidaimes have been arguing and threatening each other since they were summoned with the Edo Tensei. And it seemed they wouldn´t stop anytime soon.

"Don´t you dare start fighting AGAIN." -Commanded the former leader of the Cloud village. Meanwhile, Gaara´s father climbed a rock formation to get a better view.

"Looks like we still have a long way to go." -He jumped to the ground, and quickly performed a series of hand seals- "I better use my transportation technique."

"Are you going to make a cloud of gold dust to carry us around?" -Inquired the Mizukage, curious.

"Something like that."

With a poof of smoke, a sparkling golden car, not very different from a Chevrolet Chevette, appeared before them.

"What the hell is that thing?" -Muu poked it.

"Just get inside, and try not to make me lose focus. This is fast and can carry the four of us, but it takes a lot of concentration to maneuver."

The Kazekage sat behind the steering wheel, and the Raikage on the passenger seat. The Mist ninja intended to sit there, but after a pretty nasty look from the huge man, he changed his mind. This proved to be a bad idea within seconds of closing the doors, as he and Muu started arguing again. This time, however, they had an actual reason:

"Make some room, you rotten Mummy!"

"I like to stretch my legs."

"Would both of you be quiet back there? As I said, this requires concentration." -The Sand ninja started driving.

Both Nidaimes sat properly and remained quiet for a while, trying to ignore each other. However, Muu still wanted his legs on the seat, to be more confortable, and also because it pissed Wispy Whiskers off. Slowly and discreetly, he started raising his legs, one by one. The Mizukage was distracted checking his hairdo on the rear mirror, so he didn´t notice, until he felt something slowly but firmly pushing him towards the door on his side.

"Get your disgusting mummy feet outta my side you wet bag of horse shit." -He said quietly, almost in a whisper.

"As soon as you stop making me want to be stepping on your face instead, you abhorrent pile of filth." -Muu responded in kind, and pressed harder.

The Mist ninja pressed his right hand against Muu´s face, trying to push him away, to no avail. This time he forgot to whisper:

"You either get away or I´m going to shove my free hand u-"

"BE QUIET YOU TWO, DON´T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE." -The Raikage thundered.

"...I´ll turn on the radio." -The Kazekage said.

_Golden years, gold, whop, whop, whop_

_Golden years, gold, whop, whop, whop_

But no music nor distraction could delay the inevitable. Soon the Mizukage was humming. Shortly after he started singing along, despite barely remembering the lyrics, and within moments Muu was gripping the seat so hard he was about to rip a chunk off of it, which was quite the achievement as it was made of solid gold.

_He's got the Midas touch, but he touched it too much._

_Hey, Goldmember! Hey, Goldmember!_

The Mizukage started moving at the rhythm of the music, and "accidentally" stepped on Muu´s foot. That did it.

"WHY YOU-"

Muu screamed so loud and suddenly, that the Kazekage got startled and turned the steering wheel all the way, making the car go towards a particularly high dune, which in reality was a cliff.

* * *

It was pitch black in the desert, save for the starry sky, and the light emanated by a big flame originating from a turned down car. All the kages were silently watching the fire. Moments later, both the Raikage and Kazekage turned their heads to look at the Nidaimes.

"He started it." -Both pointed at each other.

The Kazekage quickly did a few hand seals, and two giant hands made of gold dust tried to grab them. Muu avoided them, but the Mizukage wasn´t so quick, and he was thrown far away into the horizon.

They watched him fly until they lost sight of him, and Muu commented: "That wasn´t the direction we are supossed to go."

"I KNOW."


End file.
